So I just learned that the New York Times is reporting that almost half of our nation's sewage systems are currently dumping "human excrement and dangerous industrial chemicals" into our rivers and lakes which is where most of our drinking water comes from. This means that a good portion of the water we drink, including bottled water, contains some form of human poo. Now I don't know about you, but I'm going to drink nothing but blue energy drinks for the next month or so because I believe they're the only liquid substances more lethal than poo water.

Revenge is something that's easy to achieve if you follow three simple rules. The first thing you need to do is take incriminating photos of anyone you become friends inside of the first two years of friendship while they're passed out or sleeping. The second thing you have to do is videotape at least one naughty time session with anyone you date before you break up with them and randomly upload it to one of those dirty naughty internet websites. The third thing you have to do is keep a jar of vaseline on you at all times because it's the easiest way to get quick revenge on someone who has done something bad to you. All you have to do is apply that vaseline to the windshield of their car during daylight hours because that stuff is impossible to get off.

Recent Manofest Galleries...

- The 20 Funniest Wrestling Photos Of All TIme

- 30 Girls Who Have Never Paid For A Drink

- The 25 Most Unfortunate City & Town Names In The World

- The 30 Sexiest Celebrity Cheerleaders Of All Time

- The 50 Funniest Moments In Facebook History

- 15 Horrifying Couples That Shouldn't Procreate

I think we should all take a moment this St. Patrick's Day to honor the only Irish person that matters on this planet besides Jason Preistley, Conan O'Brien. Since we're all currently suffering through the Leno, Fallon and Letterman late night lack of laughter, I thought it was only fitting to reflect on a time when Coco had a show show. And if you're desperate for green beer tonight, don't resort to adding green food coloring to regular beer. It tastes horrible and you end up pooping a bunch of tiny green children the next day.

Today's links that will make your butt explode include 32 rare-unseen celebrity photos, the greatest women's wrestling move ever and 9 bizarre green foods to try this St. Patrick's Day.

 

I Don't Know Who This Pink Bikini Babe Is But Hot Diggity Damn! (Holy Taco)

The Mass Effect 2 Cosplay Girl Is Awfully Purdy (I Am Bored)

Amanda Seyfried Is Retardedly Hot (Popoholic)


32 Rare, Unseen Celebrity Photos (The Chive)

Japanese Cheerleaders Are Hot (Heavy)

9 Ridiculous St. Patty's Day Boozers (Whip It Out Comedy)

Emanuela Paul Is Your Lovely Lady Of The Day (Extra Mustard)

Kelly Brook Is Real And Spectacular (Gorillamask)

 



Keyboard Cat Is Back! (College Humor)

46 Gorgeous Models On 1 Wonderful Page (Bro Bible)

8 Video Game Fights We Need To See (The Netwerk)

20 Hot Boxing Babes (Total Pro Sports)

The 7 Funniest Movie Edits For TV (Becks.com)

Two Hot Girls Helping Each Other (Double Viking)

15 Celebrities Standing Next To Their Wax Sculpture (Unreality Magazine)

We Need An Angry Police Chiefs Montage (Maxim)

15 Celebrity Kisses That Made Us Cringe (Comedy.com)

Miley Cryus Is Ripped! (City Rag)





The Greatest Women's Wrestling Move Ever (Linkiest)

Ben Stiller Goes Between Two Ferns With Zack Galafianakis (FHM)

The 10 Most Evil Corporations In The World (Ask Men)

Kim Kardashian Is A Busty Lady (Made Man)

The 8 Most Evil Leprechauns (Hollywood Fail)

Sexy Women's Magazines In The Disney Universe (Cracked)

Miranda Kerr Looking Hot As Usual (Moe Jackson)

9 Bizarre Green Foods To Try This St. Patrick's Day (Guyism)

The Greatest St. Patty's Day Fight On The Internet (Busted Coverage)

Some people feel safer when they have a gun under the pillow at night and I think those people are crazy. The best way to protect yourself is to always have a burrito under your pillow. If you ever get robbed, all you have to do is offer the robber your delicious bean and cheese burrito and they'll gladly leave in peace. I think you'll also find it to be the ultimate cure for insomnia because there's nothing more relaxing than the smell of a warm burrito.

I'm hoping that one day the world will make more sense but I doubt it because it's becoming increasingly difficult to meet people who are normal. Technology continues to make people weirder and more anti-social at a frightening rate, and I don't know about you, but I think it's difficult to carry on a conversation with anybody these days without getting extremely frightened or bored. And the worst part is that the good people at Hidden Valley Ranch still haven't invented thermal gloves that dispense ranch dressing.

Recent Manofest Galleries...

- The 20 Funniest Wrestling Photos Of All TIme

- 30 Girls Who Have Never Paid For A Drink

- The 25 Most Unfortunate City & Town Names In The World

- The 30 Sexiest Celebrity Cheerleaders Of All Time

- The 50 Funniest Moments In Facebook History

- 15 Horrifying Couples That Shouldn't Procreate

Do you like movies that consist of constant slow motion shots of cleavage for two hours? Do you like it when hot girls tear off their panties with their bare hands and stuff in somebody's mouth? Have you always wanted to hear three busty babes with giant guns say stuff like "next stop brown town" and "plumeting to the depths of cooterlicious?" Well, if you've answered yes to any of these questions then Bitch Slap needs to be your next DVD purchase. The Manofest team was invited to the premiere screening last week and we got to sit down with the three stars of the movie and let them slap us around for an hour... literally.