No matter how you dice it, the whole Tiger Woods incident makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. There's no way a sober person leaves their house at 2:30 am and drives over a fire hydrant and into a tree if they're coherent in any way, even if their wife is beating their car with a golf club. As far as I'm concerned, this incident pretty much verifies that Tiger Woods is, in fact, an alien. If you've watched that crappy new show "V," I think you'll agree. Aliens always seem too perfect, and when they're confronted with adversity of any kind, they avoid the media at all costs because they're afriad the truth might be revealed... just like Tiger Woods. I also think that farts reveal the secrets of the universe, but I have to tackle one conspiracy at a time.