#1 Pizza: Advantage (Pizza Hut) - Pizza Hut has always been and will continue to be the industry leader in pizza innovation. From the cheesy bites crust to their last evil pizza invention the cheese ring crust, Pizza Hut has proven time and time again that they will not rest until every square inch of their pizzas is filled with as much cheese as humanly possible. Personally, I'm just hoping they find a way to inject cheese inside pepperoni.
#2 Cheese Bread: Advantage (Domino's) - This is one spot where Pizza Hut has been slacking over the years. Their cheese bread is unspectacular to say the least while it appears that Domino's illegally sprinkles crack on their delcious cheese-covered bread that absolutely must be dunked in ranch dressing in order to truly appreciate it's greatness.
#3 Appetizers: Advantage (Pizza Hut) - Pizza Hut wins here based on shear volume with their stuffed pizza rolls, fried cheese sticks, taters and Quepapas. The only appetizers Domino's offers outside of bread sticks are their marginal CinnaStix and the unthinkable... salads.
#4 Chicken/Wings: Avantage (Pizza Hut) - Domino's Chicken Kickers are delicious but their wings are pathetic and so drenched in sauce that you look like The Joker when you're done eating them. Pizza Hut is the proud owner of Wing Street, offering eight delicious bone in or bone out (that's what she said) flavors including Spicy Asian and Garlic Parmesan.
#5 Pasta: Advantage (Pizza Hut) - While you have to respect Domino's for having the cajones to put their pasta in a massive bread bowl creating one of the greatest carbohydrate meal explosions this planet has ever seen, it's disgusting. Granted, Pizza Hut's Tuscani pasta is about as Italian tasting as an Olive Garden waitress from the Midwest but at least their pasta doesn't taste like noodles covered in body odor sweat inside a dog food dish.
#6 Sandwiches: Advantage (Pizza Hut) - The new Domino's new oven-baked sandwiches aren't that bad but they pale in comparion to the shear size and magnitude of Pizza Hut's mighty P'Zone. It's like eating a giant delicous pizza box filled withe delicious pizza goodness.
#7 Desserts: Advantage (Domino's) - I have three words for you... Chocolate Lave Cakes. I ordered them once and made sweet mouth love to both of them in a matter of minutes. It's also worth pointing out that a North Carolina stoner couple was arrested a few years back for breaking into a Domino's in order to make their delicious Brownie Bites at 2:00am. Pizza Hut's "Hershey's Choclate Dunkers" are marginal at best and their cinnamon sticks taste like bread covered in closet dust.
#8 Online Ordering: Advantage (Dominos) - The Domino's Pizza Tracker is the Hal 9000 of online pizza delivery realized. It monitors the delivery process step-by-step and once that red delivery light starts flashing, you better put some pants on because the delivery driver will be there in a matter of minutes. I also love that one of the stages of the Pizza Tracker is called "box" because... well, you know.
WINNER: PIZZA HUT
While it was a close call, Pizza Hut defeated Dominos 5-3 for the title of the 2009 "America's Greatest Pizza Delivery Franchise That We Order From Consistently Because It's Convenient, Not Because It Tastes All That Great" award! If Dominos does some hard work over the next 2-3 years and starts to offer more appetizers like pizza french fries or cheese-covered jalapeno pizza poppers, I might be willing to reconsider my opinion in the future. And believe me when I tell you that if you can find a hot brunette who's willing to eat Domino's or Pizza Hut in bed with you, well then you've found yourself a keeper.
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