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You're Not Excused
The 10 Absolute Worst Times To Fart
Farts always have a way of creeping up on us at the worst possible moments. It's almost as if the butt is the bully of our body and it's constantly challenging our brain to a fart duel to to see who is truly the king of bodily function Middle-earth. This is precisely why I always open up the fart barrier inside the first two weeks of any relationship. If you don't you will experience a level of pain that no woman is worth.
#10 During Yoga Class - There's nothing that can ruin a moment of deep relaxation more than a fart yet a fart can be extremely relaxing. You would think farting and yoga would go hand-in-hand but those snobby anti-farting yoga people ruin everything.
#9 When You're Speaking In Public - For some strange reason, letting one fly when you're speaking to a room full of people is the easiest way to lose credibility. Personally I'd vote for a president that had the balls to fart in the middle of a speech or debate, but that's just me.
#8 During A Game Of Twister - Let's just say that when you're in the middle of playing a good game of twister there are lots of butts in a lot of people's faces. If you happen to be playing Twister by yourself, farting is perfectly acceptable.
#7 At The Library - Silence is considered golden at the library which is why most people seem to have a hard time concentrating when they hear the sweet sounds of farts. People who actually go to libraries a lot are the people who spend their lives hiding their farts and I feel bad for them. Sharing a fart with somebody is one of life's most intimate and amazing experiences.
#6 In The Middle Of An Important Business Meeting - Business meetings are supposed to be about "moving things forward" and that's what your bowels are trying to do every day. Unfortunately farting is considered unprofessional when it should be used as a proper way to end any meeting that lasts more than an hour.
#5 During A Weeding - The bride and the groom are welcome to fart because it's their wedding but the groomsmen and bridesmaids have to hold it. It's bad enough that your feet hurt from standing during a 45-minute ceremony but you also have to fight off the hangover gas that is surely trying to fight its way our of your body .
#4 Sitting Next To Someone An Airplane - This is the one time where I agree with the farting rules of society. If you have to fart on an airplane go to the blue toilet water room and do your business. The people you typically sit next to on a plane suck to begin with so the last thing you want to do is smell some losers gas.
