The 56-Year Old Virgin

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I don't think anyone realizes how careful they have to be when they're in public these days. One false move or slip of the tongue can be caught on camera at every waking moment of every day, uploaded to YouTube and instantly ruin your life forever. This is precisely why I stopped wearing my mask made out of Velveeta cheese to the bar. Nobody wants to go through life known as "The Velveeta Guy."

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