After years of extensive brain function thinking, I think I have determined that bats are practically identical to human prostitues. Think about it, both bats and prostitutes sleep during the day and "feed" at night. Not to mention the fact that the average lifespan of a bat is approximately twenty years and if you compare bat years versus human prostitute years that sounds about right. I also believe that many humans are direct descendants of camels. While I have no direct evidence to back this claim, my thesis paper entitle "Humans And Camels And Why We Both Yearn For Humps" should be published by the end of the year.

While an album cover is meant to to convey the artistic inspiration of a musician, they often tend to reveal their deepest and darkest erotic secrets. Sure there have been some iconic album covers over the years, but most of them end up being some sort of homo-erotic metaphor that looks like it was taken by an Olan Mills glamour photographer with a severe case of dementia and piles. Speaking of which, I could sure go for a Reuben sandwich right about now.

Recent Manofest Galleries ...

- The 25 Most Ironic Photos On The Internet

- 20 People With Extremely Unfortunate Names

- 15 Horrifying Couples That Shouldn't Procreate

- 30 Pro Athlete Halloween Costume Suggestions

- The 50 Hottest Daytime Soap Opera Babes Of All Time

- 25 Celebrities Before and After Plastic Surgery

Well ladies and gentleman, this is my final post as I embark on yet another weekend of Halloween debauchery. My advice for the dudes of the world is to make sure you have candy on you at all times so you can ask girls if they'd like to play a game called "Trick or Teet." Ladies, your job is to make fun of everybody who's dressed as Micheal Jackson, Billy Mays and The Joker. Now if we all work together and use orange glow-in-the-dark condoms, we can make Halloween 2009 the greatest Halloween ever! And I must say that Al Roker dressed as Han Solo is one of the freakiest things I have ever seen.

Today's links that will make your butt explode include the amazing pumpkin dance, the 12 scariest celebrity monsters and Sophie Monk is the hottest ladybug ever.



The "Pumpkin Dance" Will Change Halloween Forever (Holy Taco)

The Most Unitentionally Wrong Kids Book Ever (I Am Bored)

Katy Perry Drops Some Serious MTV Awards Cleavage (Popoholic)

Couple Learns That Bringing Friends Into The Bedroom Is Bad (Whip It Out Comedy)

The 5 Best And Worst Monkey Actors Of All Time (Maxim)

The 16 Most Disturbing Sports Injuries Of All Time (The Chive)

239 Jessica Alba Photos Is Good For The Prostate (Ask Men)

Eva Longoria Does A Bikini Good (Gorillamask)

 


Home Alone Meets Saw!!! (College Humor)

Lazy Halloween Costumes For Sports Stars (Bleacher Report)

This Is The Hottest Witch You'll Ever See (Double Viking)

Breakdancer Accidentally Kicks Cat Really Far (Nothing Toxic)

The 12 Scariest Celebrity Monsters (City Rag)

Sophie Monk Is The Hottest Ladybug Ever (Attuworld)

James Cameron's New Movie Avatar Looks Freaking Awesome (Unreality Magazine)

Freddy Krueger Has A Hard Time Trick Or Treating (Babelgum)

The Top 5 Reasons Girls Probably Don't Like You (Bro Bible)




The 51 Best Halloween Links On The Internet (COED MAgazine)

The 100 Funniest Sports Photos Of All Time (Super Tremendous)

It's Time To Play The Hot Or Not Celebrity Game! (FHM)

Erin Andrews Is Hot And Has A Hot Assistant (Busted Coverage)

The 15 Biggest Losers On Craigslist (Big Stupid Idiot)

Christina Ricci Bikini Pics From Miami (Moe Jackson)

The Alessandra Ambrosio Bikini Megapost (Celeb Jihad)

The 10 Greatest Zombie Movies Of All Time (Linkiest)

Pedro Martinez Gets Heckled By A Child (Guyism)

Although nine in ten American adults say they wash their hands after using a public restroom, the truth is that only about seven in 10 actually do so. A recent telephone survey conducted by AHWAA (American Hand Washing Association Of America) said that women are more likely to wash their hands than men because men think washing their hands is time consuming and "kinda retarded." The same survey also revealed that ninety percent of women and seventy five percent of men actually washed their hands after using the restroom. So basically it's relatively safe to constantly high-five women as a lame form of flirting while high-fiving men is more dangerous than eating Extreme Doritos.

A lot of people are freaked out by clowns which I kind of understand but not really. I am however completely on board with the people that are freaked out by ventriloquists. If you just take a second to think about the mental state that it takes in order to want to be a ventriloquist in the first place I think you'll understand where I'm coming from. Ventriloquists freak me out almost as much as people that wear shirts with rhinestones and people who eat black licorice.

Elvira is the "Queen of Halloween." Also known as the "Mistress of the Dark," Elvira has brought a sexy side to Halloween since 1981. Before girls were dressing as naughty nurses, bunnies and "Sassy Lingerie Strawberry Shortcake," Elvira was rocking her famous black gothic chest candy-enhancing gown that made us realize Halloween was about much more than free Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Or as a Frankenstein once said, "Elivira has a good head on her boulders."

Recent Manofest Galleries ...

- 15 Horrifying Couples That Shouldn't Procreate

- 30 Pro Athlete Halloween Costume Suggestions

- The 25 Most Ironic Photos On The Internet

- The 50 Hottest Daytime Soap Opera Babes Of All Time

- 20 People With Extremely Unfortunate Names

- 25 Candies You Don't Want For Halloween

It's moments like these that make me think about the time the great Tara Reid once said, "I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist." Then I sit back for a moment and think about the brighter days of America when Britney Spears said, "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." After that I usually kick back on my sectional sofa and laugh with my friends about the time Kimberly Stewart talked about Jennifer Aniston and said, "I like her cuz she’s like, homely. She must have something else going on cuz it’s not like she’s gorgeous or anything."  I couldn't agree more.