Is it really true that people have lost the ability to be creative and original? Is it because we're so over-exposed to lame crap on a daily basis that our minds have turned to mush and we just don't care if anyone likes us anymore because we have so many entertainment options to distract us from the fact that we're boring? I think there's a possibility that this scenario is actually true which is why I've decided to eat nothing but buffalo wings for a month and tell boring people that they're boring whenever I meet them. I'm also going to tell the attractive girl who works at Boston Market and wears glasses that has a 36C cup that I think she might be really hot if she rubbed garlic mashed potatoes on her face and said "I think mashed potatoes are hot," but one major social obstacle at a time.

Elvis is currently the richest dead person, worth about 45 million dollars. He also is known as the "Chuck Norris of the womb" because it's rumored that he killed his twin right before they were born. The things I respect most about Elvis were his love for fried peanuter butter and banana sandwiches and the fact that he died blowing a gasket while taking a massive dump. It's by far the manliest way to die.

The fact that there are more chickens than humans on this planet even though we eat 8 billion of them a year concerns me. It also makes me nervous that the chicken is the closest living relative of the tyrannosaurus-rex because just the other day I was walking down the street and two chickens bumped into me and tried to start a fight for no reason. I punched both of the chickens in the face and ran like hell  but they still kept following me so I offered them some coupons to Long John Silver's. The next thing you know, both of them started lying eggs on the sidewalk, offering them to me and telling me the reincarnation of Sonny and Cher. When I told them that Cher was still alive they both started laughing and smoking cigars. I wonder what they were laughing about?

Robotics expert Henrik Christensen predicts humans will be having sex with robots within four years while Hans Moravec, founder of Carnegie Mellon’s Robotics Institute, predicts that robots will emerge as their own species by 2040, with feelings and expectations. Now I have no doubt that robot sex will probably be pretty good, but the last thing the world needs right now is a bunch of moody and jealous female robots walking around threatening people with lasers because the guy didn't call her the next day.

If you're looking to add a new dance move to your arsenal, I recommend giving the "Cinnamon Toaster Strudel" a try. The Cinnamon Toaster Strudel involves standing completely stiff and violently shaking as you hold your breath until your face turns read so it looks like you're a piece of Cinnamon Toaster Strudel toasting in a toaster. Once you feel like you're about to faint, pull out a bottle of white frosting and squirt it onto your chest exactly like you would to a piece of delicious cinnamon toaster strudel. After that you can do any dance moves you want because people will think you're so insane that they'll cheer not matter what you do.

Pogonophobia is the fear of beards and it's a disease that affects thousands of people. Apparently people who suffer from pogonophobia experience breathlessness, excessive sweating, nausea, dry mouth, heart palpitations, inability to speak, a fear of dying, a sensation of detachment from their body and a full blown anxiety attacks when they encounter people with beards. Sure this sounds crazy until you hear about people who have Arachibutyrophobia. These people live in fear of getting peanut butter stuck to the roof of their mouth.

The world sure has changed a lot over last ten years. Ten years ago KFC only served fried chicken, everyone thought Tom Cruise was normal and there was no way to tell if a bottle of Coors Light was cold enough to drink because "Cold Activated Bottle" technology hadn't even been invented yet. Personally I can't wait for the next ten years so I can buy a Super Duper High Definition TV and auto-regenerating socks so that it feels like you're wearing a brand new pair of socks every day.

I wonder if it's possible for a single fart to change the course of human history forever? I also wonder if it's time to change bra sizes from a number and letter-based system to a more user-friendly word association methodology? And when are they going to finally come out with a fortune cookie cereal with edible fortunes? And why do people hate the word "moist" so much?